Understanding Your Tendencies: Lesson IX

At the end of each lesson in The Catalyst of Confidence there is a short section entitled “Understanding Your Tendencies.” These sections are composed of a series of questions designed to help the reader understand and apply some of the information that was conveyed during the lesson. What follows is my commentary on these questions from Lesson IX: Emotion and Intelligence.

1. Are you angered easily?

Another way to phrase this question would be “Do little things in life tend to hijack you emotionally?” If they do—and they do for many people—it is because you have developed the habit of responding to specific “triggers” by getting emotionally upset. Of course you probably don't think they are “little things” in the first place: those of us who are regular passengers on the emotional roller-coaster think everything is a “big deal.” But when we get down to the bottom of things, very few of them are as big of a deal as we first perceive them to be.

2. Do you throw temper-tantrums, even though you're an adult?

Take a moment to recall a young child throwing a temper-tantrum. Does this help the child in any way? Even if they succeed in getting their way (via a nearby parent or adult), the same behavior carried into adulthood is nothing short of pitiful. Again, people who throw temper-tantrums do so because they have simply developed the habit of doing so. (I am referring here to those who are genuinely upset and not merely trying to get attention.)

3. Do you hate anyone or does anyone hate you?

This question actually deserves a post of its own, which will be forthcoming.

4. How do you normally respond when you are overcome with emotions?

When you feel a strong emotion (anger, despair, sadness, etc.), what is your normal response? Is it beneficial or does it cause problems for you? How can you improve?

5. Have you ever said or done something unintentionally?

We often act without thinking, and in that sense our action may have been unintentional. Many times our emotions make it difficult for us to think clearly about what we are doing, and seemingly determine our actions as a result. If you have ever apologized to someone by saying something like “I don't know what happened—I was just really angry,” you know that emotions can easily override clear thinking. Indeed many people will outright pardon someone's behavior if they know that the person was “angry,” or “upset.” But despite this, we do have the ability to control how we respond to our emotions. Emotional intelligence is a skill, and it can be developed by anyone.

• If you could relive the situation would you respond differently?
  This question refers to Question #5 above. Needless to say, many (if not most) of the things you have done unintentionally you would probably do-over if you could.

6. Do you ever pay attention to your body's physical responses when you are overcome with emotions?

See: Are You Emotional?

7. Do you have a tendency to overreact when things don't go as planned?

A lot of people do this, but that isn't a good reason to be consoled. Pay attention to your emotions when something goes wrong. Pay attention to how you respond to them. Put some effort into analyzing your behavior. How can you improve? Also see: A Quick Observation.