Childish Emotions

When I was a young child in elementary school I didn't ride the bus. Rather, my mom would drive me to school in the morning and pick me up after. But she wasn't always on time. And I just happened to be one of those kids, who, if their ride happened to be late, would assume the absolute worst. Thus, I have many memories of myself standing by the entrance of the school, pacing back and forth, keeping a close eye on the street, wondering if my mom had forgot about me, or got in a car accident, or if our house had burned to the ground, or something fantastic like that. Needless to say, I would let my imagination run wild with every possible “what if” scenario—driving myself to the very edges of sanity—only to reemerge on the other side, intensely relieved, when she finally showed up.

As I grew older my emotional reactions shifted a bit. For example, if I happened to be waiting for my mom to pick me up from somewhere, I would often find myself irritated or even angered that she was “making me wait.” No longer would I assume the worst—no longer would I have visions of the end of my life as I knew it—now I was taking it personally. After all, what else did she have to do in life besides drive me around wherever and whenever I wanted?

Looking back I realize that in both situations I blindly reacted to what was happening. I made no conscious decisions, I acted automatically. I allowed my emotions to get the best of me, and I went with them effortlessly. It was an easy road to take. But it didn't help me at all. My “visions of death” from elementary school can be largely attributed to childhood imagination and ignorance, but the irritation and anger displayed when I was older cannot be rationalized so easily.

Sometime during my first year of college, my car broke down, and my mom once again had to drive me to class and pick me up. And once again she was late, and I was left sitting there waiting. I remember thinking to myself, “Is this really worth getting angry over?” “Isn't it possible for me to just sit here and patiently wait?” “What am I really gaining by getting all worked up over this?” I figured I would try it, that is, deliberately not get irritated or upset. To my surprise, it actually worked. I sat there, at peace with the situation, amazed and astounded. It was a defining moment when I learned that my emotional reactions are within my power to control. And that things work out a heck of a lot better when I don't allow myself to get emotionally hijacked.

You may have had a similar experience, or maybe you haven't—yet. If not, try it. You might surprise yourself.