The Deception of Positive Thinking, Part I

“I'm really starting to think positively.” “It's very important that everyone stay focused on the positive.” “People are so negative—I focus on the positive.” We have all heard statements of this nature. In fact, the term “positive thinking” has recently become a staple of popular American culture. But in spite of its popularity, more and more people display a general lack of understanding in regard to what truly defines positive thinking. It seems many people, despite their good intentions, allow positive thinking to act as a kind of enabler in blocking out reality, under the guise they must “focus on the positive.”

Recently I met a woman who is involved in a terrible relationship with a man. She deals with constant verbal abuse, disrespect, criticism and a plethora of little “rules” which she must abide by or suffer the consequences. This woman openly shows, through her words and actions, that she is extremely unhappy and has been for the entire duration of her four year relationship. But the worse her relationship gets, the more she seems to cling to and defend it. When asked why she allows her relationship to continue she quickly replies: “Well, I'm really starting to focus on the positive now. It's very important that I stay focused on the positive.” Any questions asked, which may have the effect of exposing her relationship for what it is, are quickly swatted aside in a torrent of “positive thinking” clichés.

My conversation with this woman illustrates a greatly misconstrued application of positive thinking, which unfortunately, describes many people I've met who espouse their commitment to it. After examining the facts of this story we find that:

1. Due to the circumstances of her relationship, this woman is not happy.
2. Questioning the quality of her relationship causes her to assume a defensive position.
3. Her defensive position indicates her resistance to the reality of her situation.
4. Her commitment to, what she calls positive thinking, allows her to quickly shift her focus from her reality onto more pleasant “positive” things.
5. This constant shift in focus serves to perpetuate the circumstance that ultimately constitutes the primary cause of her unhappiness.

In the context of this story we see that, under the guise that “I must focus on the positive,” positive thinking is being used as a tool to blatantly deny reality. As a result, this woman's situation continues unacknowledged and unaddressed. Positive thinking, as she is using it, may serve as a temporary “band-aid,” but will inevitably, over time, only increase the magnitude of her difficulties. This is no way to live, nor is it a correct application of positive thinking.

Positive thinking is fundamentally concerned with one thing: results. Results are the measuring sticks of truth and likewise the effectiveness of positive thinking must be judged by the results it creates. And what is the result of this application of positive thinking? The preservation of her relationship, exactly as it currently exists, which is the problem to begin with. This is no different than the hypothetical situation of an ostrich burying its head in sand in order to avoid the unpleasantness of an approaching lion. In either case, both are moving toward a more detrimental end.

(Companion posts here, here, here, and here.)