Understanding Your Tendencies: Lesson II

What follows is my commentary on the questions from the Understanding Your Tendencies section found in Lesson II: Choice and Initiative.

1. Do you rely on other people to solve your problems for you?

Another way of looking at this question is asking whether or not you appoint some other person to be responsible for a given problem. If you are hungry, for example, and expect someone else to make you a sandwich—and they don't—who is responsible? Is it their responsibility that you are hungry or is it your own? I am astounded at how often I observe people “pawn off” their own “problems” onto some other party, only to blame the other party for not “solving” them.

2. Have you allowed other people to determine your behavior or mental attitude?

In other words have you allowed the actions or behavior of other people to determine your behavior or mental attitude? Put simply, are you reactive? Do you unconsciously “react” to the ebb and flow of life, or do you “act” deliberately, regardless of the things happening around you? Do you evaluate the quality of your life on the basis of external circumstances, such as the actions of other people? If a friend is in a bad mood, are you as well?

3. Are you inclined to make excuses or blame other people?

Characteristic of excuses or blaming is the avoidance of responsibility for something. People often evaluate whether or not they will “take responsibility” for something on the basis of whether or not they believe it to be “their own fault.” On this view, if it isn't their fault, they make excuses or blame others. But does this really solve anything? Does it improve any situation? Does it solve any problem? On the other hand there are those who avoid responsibility even when something is their “fault.” Such a response—that of blindly avoiding responsibility—can be highly dangerous, as when such actions lead to the formation of habits they can, for those who engage in such activity, result in a near complete loss of free will.

4. How do you respond when things don't go your way?

Do you respond by being active or reactive? Do you focus on solving the problem and/or improving yourself or do you simply transfer responsibility on to some other party via excuses or blaming?

5. What have you learned from solving your own problems?

Chances are, if you have bothered to solve a few of your own problems (as opposed to pawning them off on some other person), you know that situations (or yourself) are not necessarily as hopeless as they may at first seem. The conquering of an obstacle provides one with a renewed sense that they have the ability to control their own actions, that everything they do is a choice, and as such they have the ability to directly affect the bettering of difficult circumstances and situations.

6. Is your happiness dependent on someone or something else?

Can you maintain emotional balance without your cellphone? It's amazing how many people will literally “freak out” if they forget their cellphone at home or if it “dies” because they forgot to charge it. In this case, the mental attitude (or happiness, as it were) of perhaps millions of people is utterly dependent upon a small electronic communication device. I personally think it's because most people are bored out of their minds and therefore need something to “constantly watch” or “do” in order to continue being “entertained.” In any case, is it ever a healthy thing to depend on such a thing in order to be happy?

7. Are you working toward a goal or dream?

If everything you do (actions) is a choice then what are you directing your choices and actions toward?

8. Do you ever complain?

If so, have you ever thought of working to better your circumstances or problems instead of complaining about them?

9. When you make mistakes are you likely to admit it?

It is because your choices and actions produce results that we can safely conclude that you are responsible for the results you create through your choices and actions. While the inability to admit mistakes or shortcomings may seemingly absolve a person from personal responsibility, they are only cheating themselves. If you do not play a role in your mistakes or failed attempts then how do you expect to play a role in or be responsible for your own success?

10. Do you believe you can control your actions?

If a person does not believe that they have the ability to choose what it is they do, if they do not believe that everything they do is a choice, then how will they be able to solve a personal problem or reach a given goal or dream without looking to others to do things for them? Furthermore, if a person doesn't believe they control their own actions, then how can they believe that they are responsible for anything?