Opportunity?

The word "opportunity" is defined in the Lexicon as "a perception of the mind which enables individuals to solve problems, change, improve or reach goals and dreams." It is important to note that an opportunity is a perception. In other words, two different people can evaluate the exact same situation in completely different ways. One person may see a hopeless situation while the other may see it as something to take advantage of or learn from. Such perceptions lay the groundwork for beliefs which in turn govern the actions and the potential of the individual. But fortunately for us, perceptions are not fixed. With a little time and effort we can learn to see things differently. Perhaps opportunities are not as scarce as they may seem?

The Eye of Thinking

In the previous post in our informal series on thinking we discussed a method of observing, hypothesizing and experimenting as a way to identify and remedy undesirable life circumstances or problems. The effectiveness of this process, however, is utterly dependent upon a certain characteristic. Namely, whether or not the individual utilizing the said process is willing to take personal responsibility to fix the problem, whatever it may be.

Taking responsibility implies that we are going to take action in some form or another. Thus it seems necessary to make a distinction between the things we can control and the things we can't. The former being our most effective option. We know that, strictly speaking, the only thing which we have direct control over is ourselves. That is to say we have direct control over our own actions. In contrast to the things we directly control are the things which we do not, specifically, external circumstances. External circumstances are just that—external—and therefore “outside” of our direct control. The weather, the actions of other people, and random events in life, for example, would all fall under the umbrella of external circumstances. At this point it should be obvious that if we are going to attempt to solve a problem or remedy a given situation, we ought to focus not on the things which are beyond our control, but rather specifically on the things which we are capable of directly affecting. In short, we need to focus on what we can personally do and not on the external circumstances that may exist. It makes no difference in the world what some other person ought to be doing—you cannot control the other person—you can only control yourself.

Consider the likely result when a person fails to take personal responsibility to solve a given problem or circumstance. Take person A, for example, who, rather than seeking to ascertain what they can do to help solve a problem, seeks instead to determine what someone else (say person B) ought to do to fix it. Such a situation would be characterized by a failure to focus on what one can directly control in favor of something one has absolutely no control over—the actions of other people. What would this accomplish? To begin with, unless person B is aware that it is supposedly “his responsibility” to remedy the situation, chances are nothing will be done. Person A will just sit around thinking that person B ought to do something. But on the other hand, if person A confronts person B in order to “get him to do something,” person B could easily turn the situation around and simply respond “that's not my responsibility—get someone else to do it!” It doesn't require very much imagination to see how such a situation could quickly escalate into something far worse than the initial problem. We could further complicate the situation by supposing that person A is in a position of authority over person B and thus, if person B desires to keep their job in good standing, they will do what they've been told. But this is how employees come to resent their bosses. When “the boss” is constantly “pawning off” responsibility for problems on “other people,” the “other people” naturally lose respect for them. Contrariwise, when “the boss” takes responsibility for problems and works to correct them—even if the problems are not “the bosses” fault to begin with—employees will naturally aspire to be more responsible and effective. The likely result then of avoiding personal responsibility to solve a given problem or circumstance—irrespective of what the specifics may or may not be—is not only the probable failure to fix the problem itself, but also the possibility of widespread animosity and pandemonium as well.

The “eye” of thinking should be understood as the “center point” or the heart of thinking, which refers to thinking only in terms of what you can personally do to help a given problem or circumstance. It makes no difference “who's fault” something is. It makes no difference what “someone else” ought to do. The only thing that you have control over is your own actions. If you want to fix a given problem then you must focus on the things that you can do personally to fix it.

Unless of course you would prefer to stress yourself out and frustrate yourself to the very edges of sanity—it's up to you.

Get Over Yourself

How do you respond when things don't go as you expect? Do you contemplate the possible causes that something did not work out? Do you stop and think about it? Do you examine your own actions in relation to the outcome and resolve to correct them in the future? Or do you just fly off the handle, freak out, go berserk?

Consider this 36-second clip taken from America's Funniest Home Videos:

Obviously the child is quite ignorant in regard to the cause of his falling when he steps on to the “slip-n-slide.” He doesn't realize that wet plastic is slippery, nor is it likely he would understand what “slippery” means at his age. Nonetheless, he seems perfectly content to believe that the reality of his “repeatedly-falling-down” is something the “slip-n-slide” is deliberately doing to him. Thus, the responsibility is clearly the slip-n-slide's and as a result the little man is doing his best to give it a solid verbal lashing.

Now clearly no one is forcing the little guy to run out on the slip-n-slide. He simply observes some other kids doing it, sees that they are having a good time, and decides to give it a whirl. But the other kids aren't falling down like bumbling idiots, so why is he? Maybe the slip-n-slide is doing it to him? Maybe he ought to put it in its place?

Little does the child know that it is his fault that he is falling down like that. In effect, his deliberately running onto a slippery surface is directly resulting in his loss of balance and subsequent descent. Now surely it would be wrong to expect a child of his age to know this, but is it wrong to expect grown adults to? Many people make their way through life yelling and screaming about situations, situations—perhaps unbeknownst to them—that they themselves are responsible for creating! And though it is true that many external circumstances appear without being directly caused by everyone affected by them, the fact remains that we as individuals are directly responsible for the creation of a great many of the life circumstances that we enjoy—or suffer. And unless we take the time to examine the causal relationships of our unpleasant life circumstances—and moreover are willing to take personal responsibility for them and get over ourselves—the likelihood of any of our situations improving will be almost entirely beyond our control.

Perhaps those who prefer to avoid responsibility for their life should wear diapers as well?

Understanding Your Tendencies: Lesson II

What follows is my commentary on the questions from the Understanding Your Tendencies section found in Lesson II: Choice and Initiative.

1. Do you rely on other people to solve your problems for you?

Another way of looking at this question is asking whether or not you appoint some other person to be responsible for a given problem. If you are hungry, for example, and expect someone else to make you a sandwich—and they don't—who is responsible? Is it their responsibility that you are hungry or is it your own? I am astounded at how often I observe people “pawn off” their own “problems” onto some other party, only to blame the other party for not “solving” them.

2. Have you allowed other people to determine your behavior or mental attitude?

In other words have you allowed the actions or behavior of other people to determine your behavior or mental attitude? Put simply, are you reactive? Do you unconsciously “react” to the ebb and flow of life, or do you “act” deliberately, regardless of the things happening around you? Do you evaluate the quality of your life on the basis of external circumstances, such as the actions of other people? If a friend is in a bad mood, are you as well?

3. Are you inclined to make excuses or blame other people?

Characteristic of excuses or blaming is the avoidance of responsibility for something. People often evaluate whether or not they will “take responsibility” for something on the basis of whether or not they believe it to be “their own fault.” On this view, if it isn't their fault, they make excuses or blame others. But does this really solve anything? Does it improve any situation? Does it solve any problem? On the other hand there are those who avoid responsibility even when something is their “fault.” Such a response—that of blindly avoiding responsibility—can be highly dangerous, as when such actions lead to the formation of habits they can, for those who engage in such activity, result in a near complete loss of free will.

4. How do you respond when things don't go your way?

Do you respond by being active or reactive? Do you focus on solving the problem and/or improving yourself or do you simply transfer responsibility on to some other party via excuses or blaming?

5. What have you learned from solving your own problems?

Chances are, if you have bothered to solve a few of your own problems (as opposed to pawning them off on some other person), you know that situations (or yourself) are not necessarily as hopeless as they may at first seem. The conquering of an obstacle provides one with a renewed sense that they have the ability to control their own actions, that everything they do is a choice, and as such they have the ability to directly affect the bettering of difficult circumstances and situations.

6. Is your happiness dependent on someone or something else?

Can you maintain emotional balance without your cellphone? It's amazing how many people will literally “freak out” if they forget their cellphone at home or if it “dies” because they forgot to charge it. In this case, the mental attitude (or happiness, as it were) of perhaps millions of people is utterly dependent upon a small electronic communication device. I personally think it's because most people are bored out of their minds and therefore need something to “constantly watch” or “do” in order to continue being “entertained.” In any case, is it ever a healthy thing to depend on such a thing in order to be happy?

7. Are you working toward a goal or dream?

If everything you do (actions) is a choice then what are you directing your choices and actions toward?

8. Do you ever complain?

If so, have you ever thought of working to better your circumstances or problems instead of complaining about them?

9. When you make mistakes are you likely to admit it?

It is because your choices and actions produce results that we can safely conclude that you are responsible for the results you create through your choices and actions. While the inability to admit mistakes or shortcomings may seemingly absolve a person from personal responsibility, they are only cheating themselves. If you do not play a role in your mistakes or failed attempts then how do you expect to play a role in or be responsible for your own success?

10. Do you believe you can control your actions?

If a person does not believe that they have the ability to choose what it is they do, if they do not believe that everything they do is a choice, then how will they be able to solve a personal problem or reach a given goal or dream without looking to others to do things for them? Furthermore, if a person doesn't believe they control their own actions, then how can they believe that they are responsible for anything?

The Problem With Personal Development

Largely made up of books, audio programs, classes, seminars and workshops, the world of personal development (PD) is composed of a great many things. Within it we find the healthy existence of a wide assortment of topics ranging from personal relationships and increasing productivity to teamwork and communication to leadership and various “how to” subjects and the list goes on and on. Needless to say, there's a lot going on here. But what is rarely—if ever—brought to the forefront of discussion is perhaps the most problematic aspect of PD items in general. (I use the word “items” as an all encompassing reference to any variation of personal development products or services.)

Though it permeates the entire world of PD items, the problem to which I refer is a simple one. It is not necessarily a problem with the various PD items themselves, but is rather a kind of byproduct which tends to develop as a result of the consistent use of such things. Specifically, it is the tendency to avoid or lose focus on the bettering of oneself (which is the proper end of PD items) in favor of using the information available in PD items as a standard with which to critique others. In other words, instead of my seeking to better myself through the application of a given PD item, I use the said item as the criterion to judge why the people I observe around me are so very pathetic. “If only they knew what I knew.”

Consider the following analogy. By sheer accident, Steve stumbles upon a “people skills” book. He has never read a self-help book before, but for some reason decides to give it a chance. Upon completing the book he reluctantly decides to try a suggested approach with a rather abrasive co-worker. To his amazement, his co-worker responds positively and over the next couple weeks their professional relationship improves to the point that Steve no longer considers his co-worker abrasive at all. Thinking “wow, this stuff really works!” Steve enthusiastically heads off to the nearest bookstore in search of another book, and over time, Steve becomes extremely educated and well-versed in various PD items. As a result, he grows tremendously and begins to see the fruits of his efforts in many areas of his life. But—albeit slowly and subtly—something begins to change. Steve begins losing focus of the reason he began exploring the world of PD items in the first place. He begins to lose sight of himself and begins to focus on the weaknesses and failures of other people. He begins to see nothing but the disparity between his “abundance of wisdom and perfection” and the absolute lack of such qualities in the people around him. The more PD items he consumes the more isolated he becomes in his perceived greatness. After all, he has spent years studying such things, he is well-read, well-versed, and lives on the cutting edge of personal development. What began with Steve's initial curiosity and later desire to improve himself has slowly and steadily evolved into a kind of dogmatism. A dogmatism that has resulted in Steve seeing everyone but himself as the source of all problems. Thus, Steve's education in PD items is being used as a “measuring stick” with which to evaluate and critique those around him.

Such situations are not nearly as uncommon as many would think. To be sure, they are especially common in the corporate world. Can you imagine working with people, many of whom perfectly exemplify the given description of Steve? Can you imagine the finger pointing? The stress of the internal politics? The self-righteousness? Regardless of where it occurs, such a situation is no doubt highly destructive to everyone in its proximity.

But what are we to take away from all this? Are we to conclude that, because PD items can potentially result in situations like those described above, such items ought to be avoided? On the contrary, PD items do not themselves produce such situations, but rather, such situations result from human error, misapplication and specifically self-deception—things we must always guard ourselves against.

Understanding Your Tendencies: Lesson I

Beginning with this post I will be offering my comments on the individual questions found in the Understanding Your Tendencies sections that are located throughout the book. Thus, what follows is my commentary on the questions from Lesson I: Perception and Belief.

1. Do you believe every problem has a solution?

Yes I know, this question is very broad. But few things can undermine a person's ability to solve problems in general more than believing that some problems cannot be fixed or remedied. Problems, whatever their nature, are often not solved or corrected quickly. Indeed many require a great deal of time and effort. But if you believe that a given problem has no solution or cannot be corrected, odds are that it never will be.

2. What do you believe about yourself?

Since our beliefs govern our actions and determine our potential, it is worth identifying the things we believe about ourselves. If you were to make a list of things that you believe about yourself, what things would your list contain? The purpose of this is simply to help you develop an awareness of the things you believe about yourself.

3. Do your beliefs build you up or tear you down?

Through analyzing the list of things that you believe about yourself, ascertain whether or not these things are beneficial or detrimental. The purpose of this is to help you develop an awareness of the nature of the things you believe about yourself.

4. How often do you say you can't do something?

Generally speaking, when I person says they “can't” do something, they probably don't believe they can do whatever it is they have said they cannot do. But such beliefs can normally be traced to a person's unique perception of a given experience, and often reflect a naive or baseless conclusion on their part. In other words, for most things, the reason a person “cannot do something” is simply because they don't believe they can.

5. If you succeed do you call it luck?

If you attribute your successes to luck then it is very likely that you believe very little in your own abilities. I am not denying the reality that things can happen which may be partially or wholly credited to “luck,” as it were. But to equate your successes to luck by default is essentially to deny your involvement in them. To say “I was just lucky” is akin to saying “I'm didn't do anything” or “I'm not responsible for my actions.” If you succeed in a given endeavor it is because you have acted in such a way as to result in success.

6. How do you perceive what happens to you?

When something bad happens do you react by thinking something like “oh, here we go again, this always happens to me”? Do you realize that this is a perception? Do you realize that such perceptions lay the groundwork for your beliefs, which in turn govern your actions and potential?

7. Do you believe in yourself?

Flat out—do you believe in you. Do you believe in your ability to learn? To grow? To improve? To adapt? To change? If not—why not?

8. Have you allowed other people to determine what you believe about yourself?

Many times people allow others to tell them how to perceive and evaluate things that may happen to them. Thus, a student labeled “stupid” or “dumb” by his or her peers will likely perceive such a label to be true. If they don't, it is because they do not allow other people to determine what they believe.

9. What have you done to change limiting beliefs?

A limiting belief is a belief that limits your potential (to hazard an extremely broad statement). If you want to do something, but believe you can't, what have you done to change this belief? Have you taken the time to identify and change the perception that has led you to believe what you believe? Is it really true that you are incapable of doing something, or do you simply believe that to be the case?

10. Why do you believe what you believe?

Another way of asking this question is “why do you believe what you perceive”? In other words, if you perceive something about yourself to be true, and it just so happens that this perception has resulted in your limiting your potential—then why do you still believe it? You will always believe what you perceive, but you need not always perceive things in ways that are limiting or self-defeating.

Someday Is Now

The only moment in time which really exists is now. Neither the past, nor the future really exist. The past is a memory of previous "now" moments. The future is a collection of potential "now" moments. But the only moment which truly exists is this one—right now. We often postpone our goals and dreams to the ambiguous "someday." The truth, however, is that someday is now. The only moment you will ever have is right now.

Why Write Down Goals or Dreams?

People are often curious why a person should bother writing down their goals and/or dreams. While many people may at first believe it to be a pointless exercise, it nonetheless deserves some attention and consideration.

Perhaps the most basic reason a person would do well to scrupulously write out exactly what it is they desire to accomplish is so that they can solidify in their mind exactly what it is they want. Many times we have a general idea of something we want to accomplish, but it often isn't until we actually write it out and bother to explicitly define it, that we are able to get down to the “nitty gritty” details and fully grasp the object of our desire. In this sense, writing it out helps a person form a more coherent idea of what is it they want which in turn provides them with a “better picture” to pursue. The reason it is better to have a well defined goal as opposed to a vague and generalized one is because things which are vague and general are, for the most part, not nearly as motivating as something well defined and thought out. Is it more emotionally rousing to want to “go on vacation” or to explicitly define where it is you will go, who you will go with, what you will do and what it will mean to you?

Another reason it's a good idea for a person to write out a goal and/or dream is so they can focus on it or “keep it before them” as described in the previous post. A written statement describing a goal should be used to help “keep one's mind” focused on the very thing they want to accomplish. This is why it is suggested that a person read their written statement aloud. When a goal or dream becomes a dominating thought in the mind of an individual they begin to think in terms of accomplishing it and are thus able to begin developing concrete plans for its attainment. If we reflect on the five-step process described in Lesson III: Goals and Dreams we find that each step builds upon a foundation provided by the previous step. Thus, a person cannot focus on a goal if the goal has not been defined, nor can their goal become a dominating thought if they fail to focus on it, just as the ideas needed for planning cannot be developed without goal-oriented dominating thoughts, and so too action cannot follow without a plan of any kind. We find that the process of bringing an idea, goal or dream into reality presupposes a kind of chain which cannot function properly in the absence of even one link.

At this point an objection can be raised. Isn't it possible for a person to define and focus on their goal mentally and thus not need to resort to writing it down? Yes—such a thing is definitely possible—and there may be people who can succeed in doing so. But it should be strongly emphasized that if a person does attempt to do what has been described without writing anything down, they are much more likely to lose sight of their goal or forget they had it to begin with. The reason it is suggested to write out a goal or dream and focus on it is because it is simply a more reliable method which yields better results.

Another point of relevance which is not discussed in the book is the importance of attaching a time-frame to one's goal or dream. In other words, determining an expected length of time needed to accomplish a given objective. This can be used in conjunction with writing down or defining a goal and can offer some added benefits. To begin with, giving oneself a length of time to accomplish something adds some urgency to the goal itself. If a person says they want to do something “someday” they are essentially removing any urgency to accomplish it. They can always say that “someday” they will get around to working on it or whatever. In addition, when a person attaches a time-frame to a goal they also create a mechanism to measure their progress, which in turn contributes to the urgency of accomplishing the goal. If your time-frame is “someday” then you have no real time-oriented way to measure your progress in accomplishing your goal. But if your time-frame is (say) one year, your progress or lack thereof can be measured against the amount of time you have remaining to complete your goal.