A Quick Follow Up

You may have noticed that the previous post was written in rather harsh and insulting prose. Hopefully you didn't take it as an invitation to rush off to the nearest known “serial-venter” and tell them exactly what you just read. To be sure, you should rarely, if ever, be as direct with someone in a one-on-one situation (depending on factors such as your level of influence with them, their willingness to listen, their personality-type, etc.). You can sometimes, however, get away with it while teaching or lecturing, during a speech, or on a blog, for example, as the audience is much less likely to take it personally (although you will almost always offend some people). This is usually because they think the speaker is talking to someone other than them. When reading the previous post, for instance, you may have found yourself thinking something like “so-and-so needs to hear this!” On the other hand, you may have been seriously offended, or even angered, by what was said.

Though the topics associated with the previous post are “Likability,” “People Skills,” and “Tactfulness,” the post itself, mainly due to its harsh tone, does not embody these qualities. This, I suppose, is a bit of a paradox, and perhaps even ironic. But it should be emphasized that the post was not meant to be likable or tactful in itself, but rather, was meant to illustrate the point (admittedly in blunt fashion) that using one's problems as conversation pieces, ice breakers, or dead air removers, particularly with people you are not close friends with, is indeed a very unlikable thing. It is a quality that pushes people away and deducts value from them.