Failure and the Evaluation of Self

The concept of “disassociating” oneself from one's failures is mentioned in Lesson VII: Failure and Adversity. However, it is not discussed directly and as a result many readers may have been left with questions. Hence, I will briefly discuss it in this post.

To begin with, the value of a person is not dependent on the results produced by their actions. While we often evaluate people on the basis of their actions, it does not follow that the inherent value or potential of a person, is somehow contingent upon the performance of their past actions. In other words, if someone has a track record of absolute failure, it does not follow that it is impossible for them to change and succeed.

As a society, we indirectly learn to associate ourselves with our failures. If we fail, we interpret it as a kind of value-judgment on ourselves. Poor performance bowling (say), for example, could result in our concluding that we can't bowl, and if we can string together enough such conclusions, we can eventually interpret this as a generalized value-statement about our very selves. This is incorrect. To reemphasize: the value or potential of a person cannot be dependent upon past results, because if it were, it would be impossible for any person to change. Those who are successful would be incapable of failure while those who fail would be incapable of success—an absurdity on both accounts.

To disassociate oneself from one's failures essentially means to not allow one's failures to define who-one-is. As mentioned in the lesson, there is an enormous difference between the perceptions “I failed,” and “I am a failure.” The former emphasizes an event or experience, whereas the latter emphasizes a definitive value-judgment on one's person. While the perception “I failed” reveals an action disassociated from one's self-evaluation, the perception “I am a failure” places a negative value on oneself. People fail, all the time. But to conclude that such failures are evidence that one cannot succeed in a given endeavor is illusory.

Now, one may object, saying that disassociating oneself from one's failures enables a person to avoid responsibility for their actions or failures. But this is simply not true. To disassociate oneself from one's failures does not mean to somehow deny one's role in the action which produced the failure. Nor does it encourage a person to avoid feelings of remorse or dissatisfaction with their behavior. On the contrary, disassociating oneself from one's failures requires a person to fully acknowledge their role in the failure, but simultaneously seeks to forgo requiring a person to measure their intrinsic value or potential on the basis of it. Feelings of remorse or dissatisfaction are right and proper, as they can help a person identify problems as well as help strengthen their resolve to change and improve.

What if Roger Bannister had associated his inherent value or potential with his performance prior to accomplishing the four minute mile? (See Lesson XII: Possibility and Impossibility.) There are many benefits to disassociating oneself from one's failures, but the short answer is that it enables a person to continue working toward a desired goal or dream.