Are You Emotional?

The following question can be found in Lesson IX: Emotion and Intelligence, Understanding Your Tendencies, Question #6: 

• Do you ever pay attention to your body's physical responses when you are overcome with emotions?

Common Response: I don't know, what does that even mean?

When we are overcome with emotion our bodies respond in a variety of different ways. Paying attention to our body's physical responses help us develop a better, more concrete awareness of our emotions and the effects they produce in us in the moment they occur. For instance, when I'm angry, I feel very hot and may perspire slightly, my teeth are often clenched, my chest will tighten, and my breathing is slow and heavy. Those are the immediate effects my body produces in response to the emotion of anger. The fact that I know this about myself provides me with greater awareness of when I am angry, and because I am aware of my anger, I am better able to step back, and consciously choose a rational response, rather than simply, say, drop-kicking the cat across the living room. The ability to consciously respond to the emotion of anger (which is only possible because I am aware of the anger to begin with), provides me with the ability to create a beneficial habit in how I respond to being angry.

Having said that, allow me to digress for a moment and say that the emotional responses of others do provide us (or am I alone?) with a great, perhaps unparalleled, and no doubt unique, source of entertainment. However, let me emphasize that despite the hilarity of the apparent dysfunctions of many, no one should actually want to be an emotional drama queen. It is a much more desirable alternative to develop sound habits. There—I've had my rant—now let's get back on topic.

All people are different and naturally our bodies respond differently to the plethora of emotions we experience. As described in the book, the first step toward developing Emotional Intelligence is developing the awareness of our emotions in the moment they occur, which includes identifying our body's physical responses. Only then is it possible to disassociate ourselves from an emotion and thereby develop the ability to respond rationally rather than emotionally.