Some Thoughts on Communication

Communication between people is accomplished through the medium of language. We communicate with words. But communication is only possible because words have meanings attached to them. When I say something is “hot” or “cold,” you are quickly able to grasp the basic proposition of what it is that I mean when I use such words. Yet not all words are so easily discernible, so clean cut, so black and white. Indeed, many times people will use a word to mean one thing, when, in their mind, they really mean something entirely different. And thus arises an explanation (no doubt among many) of why real communication can be so challenging.

You can have a conversation, a discussion, even an argument with someone, yet if you don't understand exactly what it is that they mean when they say what they say, you aren't really communicating with them. You're simply talking past one another, and though it may appear that communication is occurring, in reality it isn't. For this reason (among others) I have noticed that it is of paramount importance to understand what people mean when they use the words they do. I often find myself asking others “what exactly do you mean when you say 'x'?” or “when you say 'y,' do you mean this or that?” and so on. Recently I heard someone say that they were “being logical.” But when I inquired as to what they meant by the word “logical,” I found that they were actually thinking that they had a good reason to do whatever it was they were going to do. By “logical,” they seemed to think that they had thought the matter through and were not being rash. Had I not asked, however, I would never have guessed that that was what they meant.

The bottom line is this: don't assume that you know what the other person means when they write or say something. You may have very well read or heard a given word, and they may have very well used that word, but make sure that you are both on the same page when it comes to its meaning. Seek first to understand.