The Deception of Positive Thinking, Part IV

This is the fourth post in the series titled “The Deception of Positive Thinking.” If you have not read the first, second, or third posts, I encourage you to do so before continuing. In the previous post we discussed how we can increase our overall self-awareness, so as to begin working to minimize self-deception. At present, we will concern ourselves with the next step. Namely, how to mentally respond to our increased self-awareness.

The protagonist of our story responds to her reality by shifting focus from her dilemma onto the noble ideal of positive thinking. There is nothing wrong with finding the positive aspects of a given circumstance per se. However, problems may arise when a person is solely focused on seeking the positive aspects of a situation, because they will tend to ignore their ability to better the situation itself. As we have seen, the purpose of positive thinking is to create positive results. This means responding to adversity in ways that create positive outcomes. But responding by solely focusing on the positive aspect of an otherwise horrible situation does nothing but prolong the existence and magnitude of the situation itself. It is with this in mind that we must learn how to properly respond to our awareness of our undesirable situations.

After becoming more aware of our words, whether internal or spoken, we may begin to see evidence of undesirable situations in our lives. At this point, many people turn away from what they see and focus on a “positive aspect” of their situation—they respond to their reality by habitually focusing on something else. As stated above, this type of response only serves to provide a temporary relief at the expense of allowing the problem to continue indefinitely. It is also at this point (when we become aware of an undesirable situation), that we are given the opportunity to respond properly—but how? By asking questions. When you ask questions, your mind will begin working to supply you with answers. It may only take a few minutes or it may take a few weeks, but nonetheless, your mind will provide you with probable solutions.

Return to the words that clued you in on a specific situation. Suppose the woman from our story became aware of herself saying: “I hate my life” or “I'm so unhappy.” What type of question should she ask that will help start her on the path to solving her problem? She should begin by asking herself: “Why?” “Why do I hate my life?” “Why am I so unhappy?” We know her relationship is a large part of her unhappiness. If she is honest with herself, she will eventually conclude, in one way or another, that she hates her life or is unhappy because she doesn't like the way she is being treated. It is at this point she might continue by asking: “What type of situation would I like to exist in place of the one that I hate?” The woman must conclude that she would either prefer to no longer be in a relationship or be in relationship with a man who treats her with respect and dignity. A final question must be asked as well: “What can I do about it?” “How can I solve this problem?” “Is there anything I can do to create the situation I want?” In posing these questions to ourselves, we must always employ the word “I," thereby focusing on what we can do, as opposed to what someone else can or should do. What can we do to create a suitable situation? We don't have control over other people—only ourselves—and if we attempt to solve a problem by trying to change another person, we're destined to fail. In response to the words you hear yourself say or think, ask yourself:

1. Why? Why do I think or feel this way? (Identify what exists.)
2. What situation would I like to exist in place of this one? (Identify what could exist.)
3. What can I do about it? How can I solve this problem? (Identify how you can create the situation you want. Note: There is always something you can do to better a situation.)

In the previous post it was suggested to pay close attention to and consider what other people say about you. How therefore should you respond to the observations made by other people? Again, by asking similar questions:

1. Is it possible that this observation is true? (Identify what exists.)
2. If it is true, what situation would I like to exist in place of this one? (Identify what could exist.)
3. If it is true, what can I do about it? How can I correct it? (Identify how you can create the situation you want.)