Understanding Your Tendencies: Lesson VIII

At the end of each lesson in The Catalyst of Confidence there is a short section entitled “understanding your tendencies.” These sections are composed of a series of questions designed to help the reader understand and apply some of the information that was conveyed during the lesson. What follows is my commentary on these questions from Lesson VIII: Self-Deception and Learning.

1. How often do you reflect on your life (decisions, thoughts, actions, habits, beliefs, etc.)?

Thinking about your life is one of the best things (if not the best thing) you can do to improve yourself. By developing an awareness of your thoughts, decisions, actions, habits, and the causal relationships they involve, you provide yourself with a better understanding of right action. You can course correct. You can learn from your mistakes and the mistakes of others. You can make better decisions in the future. But you must have the willingness to soberly look yourself in mirror and face your faults and failings.

2. Are you ever 100% certain that you are right and someone else is wrong?

Some things are certain. 2 + 2 = 4, for instance, is something that few people should dispute, provided they understand elementary mathematics. Many things, however, are not certain. They might be probable or likely, but not absolutely certain. The problem with being certain that you're right isn't that you can't know whether or not you're right. The problem is that you will soon begin assuming that you're right and the other person is wrong. The danger in assuming is that you stop thinking critically, opting to simply believe that your view is the correct one. Put differently, assuming we're right creates blind spots in our thinking, ultimately putting us in danger of deceiving ourselves.

3. Do you doubt your own abilities?

It's surprising how often we doubt ourselves when we have no good reason to. Was that low test score really evidence of your lack of ability? Are you so sure that it's not worth your time to go on that interview? Most people overestimate the abilities of other people while underestimating their own. Take a chance. You just might surprise yourself.

4. Are you honest with yourself?

Some people struggle a great deal with being honest with themselves. Fearing that, by honestly evaluating their life, they might find something they cannot bear. But if you wish to better yourself and your life, you must face the truth. If you don't, you merely prevent potential progress and keep yourself locked in check. If you do, even if it can be seemingly unbearable, you provide yourself with the opportunity to learn and grow.

5. Do you ever make excuses to yourself?

“There wasn't anything else I could have done!” “I wouldn't have done X if so-and-so didn't do Y!” The habit of making excuses is riddled with danger. When you start creating alibis to excuse your behavior, it can be very easy to lose sight of the things that you are responsible for. It's very easy to fall into the trap of avoiding responsibility, even when you're the one who is responsible. Regardless of the circumstances, you can convince yourself it's not your fault, and believe it to the core. But doing so will profit you nothing, unless you wish to be the perpetual victim of chance and happenstance.

6. Do you make decisions based on immediate or long-term desires?

Poor decisions are often solely based on immediate desires. Good decisions generally take into account long-term desires. You may think it will make you happy to eat cake at every meal. But it won't take very long for such consumptive habits to catch up with you. You may think that procrastinating is fine, right up until you regret your procrastination. Think about your actions and their consequences. And think about their long-term ramifications.

7. Have you ever thought you were better than someone else?

I'm not asking whether you have thought you were better than another person at something specific, like tennis or golf. I'm asking if you have ever thought you were better than someone else—period. If so, you're deceiving yourself. When you think you're better than another person, you tend to assume you're right and they're wrong. You inadvertently turn off your ability to think. You act and reason on the basis of assumption rather than fact. See also #2.

8. Do you ever try to run away from your problems?

If you do, you're deceiving yourself (surprise!). You're like the hypothetical ostrich that buries its head in the sand when it sees something it fears. Does ignoring your problems really make them disappear altogether? Or does it simply delay the inevitable? And though you try to force your problems from your conscious mind, are they not always with you? Quietly waiting, in the shadows of your mind? Would it not be better to begin addressing them? You are only cheating yourself by pretending they don't exist.