Irreducible Human Relations

All methods of successfully interacting with other people can be reduced to a single principle or law. I say this neither to undermine nor criticize what others have said or written about topics like “successful human relations” or “people skills” in general, but rather, to show that all methods concerned with successful human relations or people skills presuppose or function on the basis of the same principle or law.

When money is deposited in a bank account, it follows that the account increases in monetary value. Likewise, when money is withdrawn from an account, it decreases in monetary value. In a similar way, when someone “adds value” to us, it is as though they have increased our value as a person, and when someone “takes value” from us, it is as though they have decreased our value as a person. When we, for example, receive a sincere compliment or are treated with respect and common courtesy, we generally respond in a positive way. Such things can thus be said to add value to us. On the other hand, when someone insults us or treats us with disrespect or indifference, we tend to respond with resentment or hostility. Likewise, such things can be said to take value from us. Naturally, it should come as no surprise, that we tend to like those people who add or contribute value to our lives, while we tend to dislike those who take or deduct value from our lives.

The principle or law that “people like those who add value to them and dislike those who deduct value from them” sheds an interesting light on human relations. There are perhaps thousands of books, personal development programs and seminars built around the concept of “successful human relations.” Yet, if you examine them closely, you will find that all of them—albeit in different ways—carry the same essential message: always add value to others.