How To Remember To Do Things

Many of us may struggle with applying some of the things found in The Catalyst of Confidence. That is to say that we struggle with the process of incorporating the lessons into our daily lives. To be sure, we ought to struggle with such things. If we didn't, it's likely that we wouldn't need to change in the first place. One of the more common objections from those who struggle is “I just can't remember to do all this stuff!” Now, no doubt we can say that there is a lot of “stuff” in the book. There are numerous topics, quotes, and questions, and though the chapters are quite condensed, the combination of these things jointly pressing upon us can definitely be overwhelming. So what can a person do who finds it difficult to remember to do “all this stuff”?

It is worth pointing out that this objection includes the word “do” which of course implies action. A given person struggles with remembering to do something. That is, they struggle with remembering to put something they intellectually know into functional practice or action. Now this obviously suggests that they already “intellectually know” what it is they are forgetting to do, they just simply forget to do it. At this point, because they already “know” what they ought to be doing, but forget to do it, we can safely say that a large portion of their battle has already been fought. It is true that the process of application is more difficult, but application cannot happen if a given person doesn't know what it is they need to apply.

Here are some suggestions for those who struggle with “remembering to do” something.

The most common reason people forget to do something—anything for that matter—is because they do not keep it before them. Say at 9:00 A.M. on a given day I were to call my barber and make an appointment to get my hair cut on the same day at 1:00 P.M. In order for me to remember-to-do such a thing, that is, physically go to the location of my barber at the proper time, I must remind myself off and on throughout the morning that I have committed myself to do so. Through this process of reminding-myself-off-and-on-throughout-the-morning I keep the object of my action before me. In other words, I keep it relatively fresh in my conscious mind which naturally helps prevent my forgetting it, which in turn enables me to walk in and greet my barber promptly at 1:00 P.M. that day.

But let us say that at 9:00 A.M. on a given day when I call my barber and make an appointment to get my hair cut, rather than making it for the same day, I make it for five days in advance. Now in order for me to remember-to-do that which I have committed myself to do, I must go about reminding-myself-off-and-on, not for a mere four hours prior, but for a full five days prior to my appointment. Of course it is possible to do this mentally—some people have extraordinary memories and can do so without much conscious effort. But speaking for myself (who tends to forget things of this nature very easily), I would need to work out a basic system for reminding-myself-off-and-on. So what can I do?

Again, the goal here is to “keep the object of that which I have committed myself to do” before me, that is to say, fresh in my conscious mind. In order to do this, I must consider the things I do on a regular basis. For instance, I spend a great deal of time at my desk, particularly on my computer. Knowing this about myself, I decide to take a small blank 3x5 card, fold it in half and proceed to write “hair cut on such-and-such day/time.” I then place the card with the note-side facing me, on my desk beneath my computer monitor, where it is readily visible and where I will see it often. The simple act of keeping this message before me where I will see it often enables me to keep the knowledge of my appointment fresh in my mind and thus allows me to remember my commitment.

Now a person may object, saying that they do not have the convenience to do what I have described. But what I have described can be accomplished through a variety of different ways. Consider taking the same 3x5 card with the written note and, instead of my placing it upon my desk, I opt to place the same note-card in my pants pocket next to my spare change. Whenever I delve into my pocket to pick out a quarter or a nickel or what not, I encounter the note, which serves to remind me of my future commitment and thus enables me to keep it before me and in my conscious mind. Likewise, I could choose to somehow attach the note to my key chain and whenever I use my keys, to unlock a door or drive my car, I am thus reminding myself, again, of my future commitment. In this way, I have developed a system which allows me to remind-myself-off-and-on to keep my appointment.

This same process may be utilized to remind oneself to do nearly anything.

In Lesson III: Goals and Dreams we find the five-step process through which all objectives are realized. The first step is naturally to define what it is that we want to accomplish. But the very next step is to focus on that which we have defined. In other words, without consistent focus, that is, without keeping our objective before us, without keeping it fresh our conscious mind, we will likely forget it and thus fail to accomplish it. If you wish to do something (including remembering to do it), you must focus on it consistently over time.

Another tip which should be of help is to avoid attempting to apply everything at once. Rather, focus on doing or applying one thing at a time, and after you have developed the habit of doing it, move on to something else, and so forth. Attempting to apply “everything at once” will likely result in abject frustration and disdain for the information provided.

Expanding Your Comfort Zone

The concept of the “comfort zone” is discussed in Lesson VI: Fear and Action. In the Lexicon it is defined as “an area of personality characterized by a lack of anxiety, tension or fear which has been created by one's habits. By definition, fears and anxieties lie beyond one's comfort zone.” So to begin with, our comfort zone describes a “zone of behavior” that we are “comfortable” in. This has essentially developed as a result of our habits, that is, our repetitious actions. And to the extent that we venture beyond the boundaries of our comfort zone, we are confronted with greater and greater fears and anxieties.

The concept of a comfort zone may easily be formed into an abstraction. Consider the image below (figure 1). The circle could be said to represent a given person's comfort zone at this very moment. Whatever activities are “comfortable” to the person, exist within the circle. Whereas anything deemed “uncomfortable,” such as fears, for example, exist outside the circle.

Let us suppose that this person is suddenly confronted with the prospect of doing something they fear. Perhaps their responsibilities at work are about to expand and as a result they will be interacting with senior decision makers on a regular basis. This is something they have never done before, let alone routinely. It is not hard to understand that such a change would—even if only initially—stir up various fears and anxieties. Naturally this fear exists beyond the boundary of their comfort zone, as represented by the red dot in the image below (figure 2).

Let us further suppose that this person does not allow their fear to control them. In other words they have determined to act in spite of their fear. In doing so, that is, through the process of consistently doing that which they are afraid to do, they slowly begin to expand the boundary of their comfort zone (as illustrated in figure 3).

If this person continues to act in spite of their fear, consistently over time, they will slowly notice that their fear (of interacting with senior decision makers at their job) will begin to subside. Hence, the activities existing as part of their expanded responsibilities, the prospect of which was initially frightening, have formed into a habit, and as a result have expanded their comfort zone. (As seen in figure 4, this person's expanded comfort zone is represented by the large black circle, whereas their comfort zone as it previously existed is represented by the smaller faded circle.)

It is through such abstractions that we are able to illustrate how a person can grow through confronting their fears. However, it should be emphasized that consistent inactivity can potentially cause one's comfort zone to shrink or atrophy. Thus enabling previously conquered fears and anxieties to resurface and possibly exist once again.

Satirical Responsibility

“It's your fault I'm acting this way!”

Really—are you serious?

It's my fault that you're acting the way you're acting? You have no choice in the matter? You are a mere extension of my will? What about the fact that you just said “it's your fault I'm acting this way”—is that my fault as well? Is it really true that you have no control over your actions? Is it not possible to determine how you respond to my behavior? If I have provoked you, have you not chosen to respond to my provocation? Is it really true that you are helpless before me?

Perhaps I possess supernatural powers of mind-control?

Perhaps I am your master and you are my slave?

or

Perhaps you are responsible for your actions?

The Mind As A Garden

In his book As A Man Thinketh, James Allen rightly observed: "A man's mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind. Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and fruits of right, useful and pure thoughts. By pursuing this process, a man sooner or later discovers that he is the master gardener of his soul, the director of his life."

This astoundingly simple analogy is perhaps the best illustration of how our thoughts affect our lives. What is it that our thoughts "bring forth"? Actions. What is it that actions produce? Results. What affect do results have in our lives? They determine our life circumstances. Thus, it is because we are capable of "planting seeds" or directing our thoughts that we are able to affect the nature of our actions, which will in turn affect the results we produce, which will in turn affect the circumstances of our very lives, and in this sense, every living person is "the director of his life."

The Starting Point

All achievements have been created twice. First in the mental (thought) world, and second in the physical (material) world. This first cause or "mental creation" is the starting point of all achievement; it is the process of defining what it is you want, and seeing it (visualizing) as if it were actually happening.

On Open-Mindedness

In contemporary culture, open-mindedness seems to represent the pinnacle of personal development and as such it is often seen to be on par with and akin to a kind of “enlightenment.” Yet all too often (and perhaps as a result), a person's sincere belief that they are open-minded can solely be used to justify beliefs they hold which conflict with the beliefs of others. For example, if I am open-minded and I believe this world is an illusion, and you happen to believe that this world is real, then you must not be open-minded. (I personally refer to this process as “playing the open-minded card.” Hence, my “open-minded card” is played to trump whatever it is you have to say, because if you were open-minded, you would agree with me.) Thus, I am able to provide myself with a perfectly “rational” justification for my beliefs whenever a person disagrees with me. I may even make statements such as “if so-and-so was only more open-minded they would understand” or “if you don't accept my viewpoint then you're being closed-minded.” But this is extremely shallow intellectually, and can only be ignorant at best. The fact that someone may disagree with me does not provide me with grounds to accuse them of being closed-minded. What if they are right and I am wrong? Too often people say things or hold beliefs which cannot hold up to scrutiny, simply because they are far too general, contradictory, or both, and when one in fact does hold such a position, to retort that those who disagree are closed-minded is clearly to deceive oneself.

Now I realize that people do exist who are closed-minded and perhaps to the extent that we couldn't "open their mind" with a crowbar. But before we assume that such is the case, why not sincerely examine the reasons which support their position? It seems, however, that many people are unwilling to do as much. After all, is it not more satisfying to simply write someone off as being closed-minded than to painstakingly look in the mirror and reevaluate one's personal premises and presuppositions?

The concept of open-mindedness has been indirectly touched upon in the closing paragraph of Lesson VIII: Self-Deception and Learning. The general idea is simple: always be open to learn. Such a concept presupposes the reality that “we don't know what we don't know,” which in itself provides a strong case for continuous learning and growth. Though the word “open-minded” never appears in the lesson, its essence has nonetheless been presented. But how then are we to define the concept of open-mindedness?

First, everything that we know (or think we know) can simply be reduced to information. And nearly everyone will admit to the reality that they don't know everything. We can therefore conclude that information does exist which we personally have not yet discovered. The said premises support the truism that “we don't know what we don't know” or in other words, that “there is always more to learn.” It seems therefore, that open-mindedness is the ability to approach new information as that of a student: it is the willingness to consider new information. The key words in this definition are “willingness,” “consider,” and “new information.” Willingness implies that we are open to hear more about a given subject. We thus can never believe that “everything has been said” about something, and as such we must always be, as it were, open. In conjunction with the word willingness, the word consider suggests that we are open to “think over” something. In other words we are open to honestly study, ponder or evaluate something. New information is just that, it is information which is new to us. It is information which we are encountering for the first time, and as such we must be open to hear as well as consider it seriously. Notice this definition says nothing about “accepting everything you hear” or believing that “all viewpoints are equally valid.” One can wholly reject an idea and still be open-minded about the idea itself. Open-mindedness is not synonymous with acceptance. Rather, it is simply the willingness to consider new information. Without such willingness, we are unable to learn, yet without any consideration we are liable to accept anything.

Price Reduction and News

I am pleased to announce that the retail price of the paperback edition of The Catalyst of Confidence on Amazon.com has been reduced from $12.99 to $9.49! Additionally, the book remains qualified for FREE Super Saver Shipping on orders over $25. The Kindle edition remains at $3.99.

Response from readers has been better than I had initially expected. The book currently has a rating of 4.5 out of 5 stars on Google Books, with most of the reviews being trafficked from Goodreads.com. At this time, about 80% of the ratings and reviews are from people I have never met. It's one thing for people who know you personally to rate your book well, and that definitely means a lot, but it's very encouraging to see complete strangers do the same thing.

Also, many people have contacted me directly to express their appreciation and personal experiences and a lot of generous feedback has somehow tracked me down by word-of-mouth. Again, it has all wildly exceeded my expectations. Thank you all!

Belief and Evidence

It appears that when we do something for the very-first-time, there can be no empirical evidence to support our individual ability to do such a thing successfully, regardless of what it may be. Empirical evidence, of course, being evidence which is derived solely from experience. There may indeed be evidence which suggests that someone else can or has done something similar or exact, but there is no empirical reason to conclude that “someone else has done it, therefore so can I.” Thus, we cannot have any personal experiential grounds to support our ability to do something if we are attempting to do it for the very-first-time, nor can we appeal to the experience of others as evidence of our own abilities. In other words, when we set out to do something for the very-first-time, there is no empirical reason for us to believe that we can do such a thing. And yet somehow we still believe that we can do things that we have never done before.

As an example, consider a graduate student preparing to write her dissertation. She, at this point in her life, has had no experience writing dissertations. It may be true that she has successfully completed a thesis for her masters degree, or that she has successfully written other things. But she has never written a dissertation. She may rationalize her ability to do it, reasoning that she has successfully written many other things, and many other people on earth have successfully completed their dissertations, so why not her? But the fact remains, she has never personally written a dissertation. At this point in time, there is no personal empirical evidence to support her endeavoring to write a dissertation. But despite this, she believes that she can and in fact does write a successful dissertation.

Whenever we set out to do something, especially if we are doing it for the very-first-time, we are setting out, in large part, on a basis of faith in our own abilities. When we act, there are never any absolute guarantees that we will succeed. Yet, often without realizing it, we set out to do that which we personally have never done, on the basis of belief. In this sense, everyone who attempts to do something for the very-first-time, is attempting to do something which is “apparently impossible,” in the sense that there is no personal empirical evidence which could directly suggest that they can succeed in doing whatever it is they are attempting. It is only after a person succeeds in doing something for the very-first-time, that they may appeal to personal experience as evidence of their ability.

In the scientific world, the absence of empirical evidence is said to suggest that something does not exist or is impossible, or at the very least that there is no reason to yet believe that something exists or is possible. In the world of human actions and endeavors, it is often sheer belief which dictates that which can and cannot be accomplished by an individual. Now, my reason in writing this post has to do with the fact that many people appeal to a lack of positive empirical evidence as grounds that they cannot do something. But this is absurd. As we have seen, there cannot, even in principle, be any empirical evidence which suggests that a person can do something if they have not yet done it. If a person wishes to demonstrate that they cannot do something, they must therefore concede that they simply don't believe they can do it.