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Ken Parsell is the author of The Catalyst of Confidence and Discipline. He maintained this blog from 2011 to 2014. He is now working on other projects. Visit his website at www.kennethparsell.com.

Friday, April 29, 2011

Are You Emotional?

The following question can be found in Lesson IX: Emotion and Intelligence, Understanding Your Tendencies, Question #6: 

  • Do you ever pay attention to your body's physical responses when you are overcome with emotions?

Common Response: I don't know, what does that even mean?

When we are overcome with emotion our bodies respond in a variety of different ways. Paying attention to our body's physical responses help us develop a better, more concrete awareness of our emotions and the effects they produce in us in the moment they occur. For instance, when I'm angry, I feel very hot and may perspire slightly, my teeth are often clenched, my chest will tighten, and my breathing is slow and heavy. Those are the immediate effects my body produces in response to the emotion of anger. The fact that I know this about myself provides me with greater awareness of when I am angry, and because I am aware of my anger, I am better able to step back, and consciously choose a rational response, rather than simply, say, drop-kicking the cat across the living room. The ability to consciously respond to the emotion of anger (which is only possible because I am aware of the anger to begin with), provides me with the ability to create a beneficial habit in how I respond to being angry.
Having said that, allow me to digress for a moment and say that the emotional responses of others do provide us (or am I alone?) with a great, perhaps unparalleled, and no doubt unique, source of entertainment. However, let me emphasize that despite the hilarity of the apparent dysfunctions of many, no one should actually want to be an emotional drama queen. It is a much more desirable alternative to develop sound habits. There—I've had my rant—now let's get back on topic.

All people are different and naturally our bodies respond differently to the plethora of emotions we experience. As described in the book, the first step toward developing Emotional Intelligence is developing the awareness of our emotions in the moment they occur, which includes identifying our body's physical responses. Only then is it possible to disassociate ourselves from an emotion and thereby develop the ability to respond rationally rather than emotionally.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Running In Circles

It seems that additional clarification may be helpful to better understand some questions posed in the “Understanding Your Tendencies” sections. Beginning with this post, I will be providing added context to many such questions.
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The following question is from Lesson III: Goals and Dreams, Understanding Your Tendencies, Question #9: 

  • Do you realize the mental process of bringing goals and dreams into reality can be used to solve personal problems?

Many may assume that the mental process of bringing ideas, goals, or dreams into reality is reserved for some large scale “change the world” kind of thing, and if not, should be used to help one accomplish a major long-term goal or their “life's purpose.” Few realize, however, that such things may also be used to aid one in solving or overcoming personal problems, irrespective of size and complexity.

Take something as simple as being punctual.

Some of us are constantly late regardless of where we're going or what we're going to. This is, for the most part, a harmless personal problem as it isn't necessarily destructive, and in most cases will only result in making us relatively annoying to certain people. Oddly enough, if asked, we never say we want to be late. In fact (generally speaking) no one wants to be late. More often than not, the reason our tardiness persists is simply because we haven't figured out how to be on time. Of course everyone “knows” how to be on time, in an intellectual sense. But (as discussed in the previous post) knowing how to be on time and being on time are two entirely different things.
So what can be done?

To begin with, a person who is constantly “running late” could define a basic objective of “being on time.” As described in Lesson III: Goals and Dreams, the entire process (which consists of five steps) flows from this first step of “defining what one wants,” provided that one is willing to (and does in fact) focus or concentrate on their objective. The short answer is that when one focuses on a specific objective, over time, it becomes a dominating thought in their mind. In other words, they start thinking in terms of their objective (in this case “being on time”) and because of this, are able to work out ways to accomplish it. Once a method has been worked out, assuming one acts upon it, and assuming one is willing to persist through potentially ineffective methods, the said person will, eventually, accomplish his or her desired goal.

The main reason people fail is that they (assuming they have a defined objective) never really focus or concentrate on “being on time” on a consistent basis. When they happen to be running late, they think to themselves “gosh I hate this, I need to be on time!” They never define their objective in a specific way, nor do they keep it before them. As a result, they soon forget, until once again, they happen to be running late and think the themselves “gosh I hate this, I need to be on time!” Essentially running in circles, perpetuating their problem. In fact, they may convince themselves that they are just a “late person,” believing their tardiness to be a characteristic of who they are.

I do understand that this is a rather elementary example, but the main point to be remembered is that our minds work out ways to accomplish the things we focus on (assuming of course our focus is goal directed), and these things need not be “pie-in-the-sky” massive in scope and scale dreams, but may be simple, everyday personal problems as well.

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Self-Deception and Corporate America

Have you ever been required by your job to attend a professional development seminar or workshop? I am not referring to technical training but rather the “people” and “productivity” sides of business training, such as leadership or management training, team building, business skills, emotional intelligence, time management, etc. I personally have no idea how large this industry is, but my guess would be that training services which cater to businesses and other organizations easily amount to a multi-million (if not multi-billion) dollar industry. No doubt plenty of high-level managers and executive assistants (perhaps even President's, VP's, CEO's and COO's) spend a considerable amount of time herding their “people” into such programs.

Given the amount of time, attention and money poured into this industry by many companies and organizations, one would assume such programs to be extremely beneficial. At least the “powers-at-be” perceive them as such. But before I go any further, let me first clarify that it is not my intention to disparage anyone who may advocate or represent such programs. There is, after all, a tremendous amount of evidence which suggests that such programs have helped many organizations in a variety of different ways. Besides, how could any industry exist if it wasn't perceived to be helpful or beneficial to someone?

Although such programs and workshops exist to benefit organizations of all shapes and sizes, it is Corporate America which is often seen as the poster child for this industry. Thus, I will be using Corporate America (CA) as the central example in this post.

It is within the structure of CA (especially within middle and upper management) where we most often find mandatory training programs, seminars and workshops. The majority of which are geared toward some form of leadership development or team building. The corporate motive for sending these individuals off to paid seminars and workshops is, of course, to increase their personal effectiveness, which in turn will (hopefully) increase the effectiveness of their team, enable them to “synergize” (arguably the most overused buzzword and sacred cow in CA), and at bottom, increase profits.

This is naturally advantageous to employees for a number of reasons. First, their company will generally pick up the tab for the cost of the seminar. Also, though in more rare cases, the company will also pay them their hourly rate for attending, especially if the seminar falls outside normal business hours. Lastly, the training itself is not only helpful (let's assume), it also provides them with a “mini vacation” from the daily grind, and, lest we forget, enables them to add yet another notch in the “training” bedpost of their résumé.

Now, one would think, considering the millions (though probably billions) of dollars spent on professional development annually, that CA would boast one incredibly effective, efficient and leadership savvy workforce. Does it? Yes—in very rare and isolated incidents—beyond which, the answer is a resounding no. In general terms, it is a well documented fact that CA bears a staggering amount of waste and inefficiency (transaction costs if you wish), which is perhaps exceeded only by government bureaucracies (again, speaking in general terms). And this is before we even consider CA's glamorous reputation of being a somewhat psychotic bare knuckled mosh pit that is often riddled with internal political turmoil.

Let's take a moment to consider exactly what we're saying.

Billions of dollars are being spent on professional development every year within a specific demographic (CA) with the expressed goal of enriching leadership ability, teamwork, and overall effectiveness, and yet this same demographic also happens to be notoriously plagued by internal politics, inefficiency, and a general lack of leadership? Yes—exactly—impressive isn't it?

There may be thousands of reasons for this (we are, in fact, dealing with humans), but today I wish to discuss only one. For the sake of example, let us assume that the information provided at these seminars or workshops is 100% spot-on accurate. In other words, if the participants applied what they learned, in most cases, it would result in increased effectiveness, communication and efficiency within their team. Now, every program which seeks to improve an individual is “standard” based. For instance, there are specific “do's” and “do not's” in basic leadership. The “do's” essentially create a “standard” that we ought to practice. Naturally it follows that the “do not's” create a “standard” that we ought not to practice. These “standards” provide us with the criteria with which we are able to judge our performance, analyze our results and make changes to improve.

After attending the seminar or workshop the participants will eagerly return to the workplace, excited to apply the new information they have acquired. It should be mentioned that this “new information” is intellectual by nature. Meaning, the participants intellectually understand the information which has been presented to them. They do not, however, at this point, understand it functionally. Functional understanding is only possible through the consistent application of what was learned. Any training whatsoever, is effective only to the extent with which it is applied. In other words, individuals or groups will only produce results if they, on an individual case-by-case basis, apply (functionally) what was learned (intellectually). It must also be noted that the said individuals must not only apply this new information in the immediate, but consistently in the future as well.

Unfortunately, most of the participants will never take the time to functionally understand what they have learned. How can this be? After all, haven't they just learned what they should and should not be doing? Yes—but intellectually “knowing” how or how not to do something is infinitely different than incorporating it into one's life. Most people will only “apply” their training intellectually. In other words, they simply become masters of the information. They learn all the “right answers” to given situations, become experts in what should or should not be done and inevitably begin measuring everyone else against the standards they have become so proficient in memorizing. But they never seem to disassociate themselves from those around them and take the time to look in the mirror and determine if they embody these qualities. Knowing the components of leadership intellectually is very different from embodying them personally. By not directly practicing what they “know,” they deceive themselves in thinking they are qualified to lead. They simply assume that because they “know” what it means to be a leader, that they are a leader. Needless to say, in CA we have many people who think they are leaders, but few who actually are.

Perhaps the phrase "psychotic bare knuckled political mosh pit" makes sense after all.

Friday, April 1, 2011

Wrestling The Impossible

Would you believe that someone could win the national college championship in wrestling with a record of 36 wins and zero losses? Most people will admit this is possible. But what if I told you that this potential champion has a birth defect, he only has one leg. Would that affect your response? It would for most of us, but not for an athlete named Anthony Robles.
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While a majority will concede that such accomplishments are possible in the abstract, few would say so if they themselves were afflicted with such a condition. How many would even consider getting involved in a sport (let alone the sport of wrestling) let alone competing in high school and college championships? How many would more readily use a wheelchair instead of crutches?

Anthony Robles obviously doesn’t believe that having one leg is a good excuse to not do something. What many people would believe to be impossible, Anthony believed was possible, and what few wrestlers believe they could do with two legs, Anthony believed he could do with one. The affect our beliefs have in our lives is astounding.
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Why do you believe what you believe?