Really? Why didn't you kill yourself?

It seems there is always a story in the news about some recent suicide. Usually it's a teen or young adult, from this college or that high school, located in... ect. The circumstances may change, but the message is always the same: someone has taken their own life.

Within days (or hours even) the so-called “causes” will be brought to light, and the experts will conclude that if only this or that hadn't happened—if only the circumstances were different—the victim would be a normal, happy person. Inevitably, new methods to help identify troubled individuals will be promoted so the community can work together to ensure that such a tragedy never happens again.

I have no intention of addressing the “cause” issue at this time. That is another topic for another post. For now, however, I would like to discuss the fundamental assumption which accompanies suicide in general. Namely, an individuals perception that non-existence would be better than existence. When someone takes their own life they are essentially saying they prefer to not exist. (For the sake of example, let us assume that no life after death exists.) In other words, existence is perceived as “too much” or simply “not worth it” and therefore non-existence is more preferable.

I have always believed that existence is better than non-existence, for one simple reason: Existence implies the possibility for good. Our existence, by virtue of it's very nature, cannot be without potential and therefore, a person cannot exist without the potential to create good in their life. In sharp contrast, non-existence implies complete nothingness, annihilation, absolute zero and therefore no potential to do anything whatsoever.

But wait, if existence implies the possibility for good, it must also imply the possibility for bad, right?

Yes, of course. But rather than having something bad happen, is it a better alternative to simply not exist? No, of course not. Any person will admit to having something bad happen to them at some point in their life. Yet imagine how they would respond if you asked them: “Really? Why didn't you kill yourself?” The answer should be self evident: because of the potential to create good in their life. With reasonable standards, as long as someone is alive, the potential to create good always exists. How many people have been burned by a bad personal relationship and still continue to search for “that special someone?”

But what if there is no potential to create good in our life?

I was actually asked this question recently by one of my students. The question was basically this: “What if I'm locked in a basement and chained to a wall, and I'm constantly abused by 'meth-head' serial rapists who live above me, wouldn't non-existence be better in that situation?” While this situation is possible, it poses no real threat to the proposal that “existence is better than non-existence.” The fact that someone may be in such a situation does not necessitate that non-existence is somehow better than existence. It is a legitimate question, however, and it most certainly could be perceived by the captive, that non-existence would be better, especially in that situation. But it does not follow, even in such dire circumstances, that no potential for good exists. It is still possible that such a person could be rescued, or may be able to escape in some way and thereby better their circumstances.

Victor Frankl answers this question (What if there is no potential to create good in our life?) in his 1946 book, Man's Search for Meaning, where he chronicles his experience as a Jew in the Nazi concentration camps. I believe he would agree that an existence in this world, where there is no potential to create "good” (or as he would say "meaning"), is fundamentally impossible.

In summary, there is only one real reason a person (who isn't insane) may take their own life: they simply believe there is no possibility for good to exist within it. But, as we have seen, it is not possible to exist without the potential to create good. The “bad” which may exist in our lives does not nullify the fact that good can be created. In the same sense, regardless of what has happened to you, or how bleak things may seem, the possibility to create good in your life still exists. It is a characteristic of being human.

Existence is simply better than non-existence because there is always potential to create good in our lives.

Rah-Rah-Rah

Many may be surprised to learn that I'm not a fan of the term “self-help.”

Unfortunately, there is no way (that I have found) to get around it. If you write a book, teach a course, or develop a workshop involving something like human potential, people seem to naturally lump you in with the so-called “self-help” crowd. In other words, a lot of work I do gets mistaken for something like “five easy steps to ultimate success and happiness” or “you can be the undisputed master of the universe” or perhaps even “change your life and reduce your problems to an over generalized meaningless formula.” Maybe I'm being a tad overly dramatic, but it can be very difficult to explain to someone that a book, course, or workshop is about human potential (or confidence for that matter) without having such “overly dramatic” cliché phrases instantly appear in their mind.

But if The Catalyst of Confidence isn't a self-help book—what is it?

According to the Book Industry Standards and Communications (BISAC) category system—which is used by the industry to help identify and group books by their subject matter—The Catalyst of Confidence is listed as a self-help book, and falls specifically in the category of personal growth.

Let me explain.

I have no problem with the classifications “self-help” or “personal growth” per se. My issue is with many of the popular perceptions associated with these terms, such as those outlined above. Many people may assume that a book about “human potential” is really about convincing people they are better than they actually are; perhaps a kind of “rah-rah-rah” you're awesome! you-can-do-it-baby! kind of thing; or maybe a collection of stories about people who changed their lives with a standard “and you can do it too” moral.

This is definitely not the case.

Far be it from postulating a universal grandiose-like potential, the book is, on the contrary, about identifying and understanding one's true potential—the most important component of which being the understanding of one's limits and deceptions. It is not a book about over-inflating your perception of self in order to believe you're some kind of demigod. It is a book about analyzing the facts of being human and what that implies in terms of your capabilities. Confidence itself is simply the natural by-product of understanding your potential.

Stand or Kneel?

The following quotation appears at the beginning of Lesson II: Choice and Initiative:

“Unlike the cruel Leonidas who demanded that you

stand: I require only—that you kneel.”

-Xerxes, from the motion picture “300”

I am often asked about this quote, the likely question falling somewhere along “how is this relevant?” or “what does this have to do with the lesson?” I do admit this quote and it's relation to the lesson is rather “artsy” and that it's pertinence may be, to many people, not obvious. Hence, I will discuss it here.

If you saw the movie “300” you no doubt remember the deformed hunchback, Ephialtes, who betrays the Greeks by revealing “a secret passage” to the Persians, thus enabling them to surround the greatly outnumbered Greek army. Before the battle begins, Ephialtes approaches the Greek king, Leonidas, to offer his services in combat. While Leonidas is moved by Ephialtes effort, he quickly realizes the hunchback is not capable of fighting within the Greek phalanx formation and would thereby jeopardize his army. Outraged by this rejection, Ephialtes approaches the Persian king, Xerxes, who then provides us with the quotation outlined above. Ultimately, Ephialtes chooses to kneel.

I felt this quote was perfect for the lesson because it illustrated some definitive questions associated with human choice and action. First and foremost: “do I stand on my own two feet and consciously control my actions or do I kneel to my surroundings and allow other people or external circumstances to control me?” As described in the book, many people are reactive to their environment, and thereby place a moratorium on their free will. It seems someone or something is always demanding that we kneel in this way.

Another aspect of this quote which should be mentioned is personal accountability. We are often all-to-ready to take credit for our successes, but quickly provide excuses for our failures or mistakes, somehow attempting to transfer the blame from ourselves onto some other party. In this case, the quote provides us with another definitive question: “do I stand by my choices and take responsibility for and learn from my actions (a revolutionary concept) or do I kneel to my desire to avoid responsibility altogether?” Which do you suppose is in your ultimate self-interest?

Lastly, there are those individuals who see the best within us and demand that we stand because they know we are capable of doing so. Would you better appreciate the person who demands your very best, because you are worthy of such standards or the person who demands you don't bother, because you're just too pathetic?

Official Launch!

Officially released March 14^th 2011, The Catalyst of Confidence is currently an Amazon.com exclusive and is now available in both Paperback and Kindle formats! This post marks the official simultaneous launch of both the book and this blog.

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Welcome to all.

As noted in the “About” section, this blog will serve as a continuing education for readers of The Catalyst of Confidence, and will be updated with articles and case studies on a weekly basis. This blog will also serve as the primary news outlet for all things related to the book and the philosophy it propagates.

If you would like to request a specific topic for an article, ask a question, or submit information for a case study, feel free to do so here.

We have done our best to identify typos and grammatical errors prior to launch. Still, please let us know of any mistakes you may find in the book or on this website. To do so simply send me a private message via the “Contact” page.

Though the book has taken a year to write and has resulted from even more years of teaching and study, this is only the beginning.

Let's hope the world is ready.
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